Dan Hollings' posterous - Filed under 'Twitter addict'

PART 2: You know you're a Twitter addict when...

PART 2: You know you're a Twitter addict when...

Your favorite breakfast is Corned beef hashtags and eggs.
You've petitioned ICANN to create a Top Level Domain (TLD) consisting of ONE LETTER (.t) specifically for saving space on Twitter posts.
Even though your neighbors have complained, you insist your newly painted Turquoise house brings character to the neighborhood.
When really mad, you sometimes call people names like twitface, twithead, son of a twit or twailer park twash.
You're confident that Barack Obama will create a cabinet level position; Secretary of Twitter (and you're in the running).
You don't sleep anymore, instead you catch Twitter-naps of about 140 seconds so you don't miss any updates.
In an attempt to shrink your Twitter posts even smaller, you've asked your Pharmacist if they carry "Preparation T."
Your next home MUST HAVE a Tweetdeck overlooking a bird sanctuary.
Your next car must get 140 MPG.
In the tradition of AA you've started your community's first TT meeting (Twitterholics Twanonymous)
Once after a long Twitter maintenance outage, you contacted the hospital emergency room to see if they could give you your Twitter feed intravenously.
When your neighbor called you a bird brain, you actually thought it was a compliment.

Filed under // Twitter addict Twitter addiction Twitter Humor

PART 1: You know you're a Twitter addict when...

Twit Happens
You're constantly tying to improve your twex life.
Each morning, your Tweet before your first cup of coffee.
You vote hourly in the Twitter "Shorty Awards" (for yourself :-)
You're convinced that Samuel Clemens was addicted to Twitter and it influenced him changing his name to Mark Twain.
When your cat had twelve kittens, you told everyone she had a "twitter."
You spend up to 140 minutes a day reading the dictionary... almost totally in the "tw" word area.
You've considered (more than once) naming your kids, Tweedledee and Tweedledum.
You're on the verge of publishing a new math book called, "Twime Numbers" where you prove that the numbers two, twelve and twenty can't be divided by 140 without causing twouble.
You're working on a looney undercover plot to save Tweety bird from the clutches of Sylvester the cat.
You've socially bookmarked this page:
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/tweet
and go there often to click the audio pronunciation button.
Your idea of a fantastic evening is watching your Twitter timeline update in high definition while eating a frozen TweeVee diner.
You've studied The Twits by by Roald Dahl and found great Twitter insight.
Your idea of monetizing Twitter does not exclude blackmailing tactics

Filed under // Twitter addict Twitter addiction Twitter Humor

PART 3: You know you're a Twitter addict when...

You're lobbying "Funk and Wagnalls" to make the official definition of "twitter" less trivial.
DEFINITION: Twitter
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/twitter
1. to utter a succession of small, tremulous sounds, as a bird.
2. to talk lightly and rapidly, esp. of trivial matters; chatter.
3. to titter; giggle.
4. to tremble with excitement or the like; be in a flutter.
You dream in short fragmented sentences that contain tiny URLs linking to other dreams.
Your entire resume is 140 characters long.
Your definition of "infinity" is a text box allowing an unlimited blog post.
You've asked your interior decorator if she has any Twitter blue wallpaper designs for your dinning room.
When recently asked if you follow Jesus, Mohammed, or Buddha, your response was, "hold while I check my Twitter friend list."
The bumper sticker on your car says, "Follow Me."
You think the perfect match at eHarmony would be a guy with a shout URL.
You think the perfect match at eHarmony would be a girl willing to show her twits on the first date.
You're hoping your state never passes a law that prevents Twittering while driving.
Your doctoral thesis was entitled, "The Glottochronology and Retrograde Evolution of Language from Archaic Hominids to Twitter-like Neanderthals in a Postmodern Techno-Society." Unfortunately, it took you so long to squeeze all that into 140 characters, you missed the submission deadline and have yet to graduate.

Filed under // Twitter addict Twitter addiction Twitter Humor