Dan Hollings’ posterous

Bridging the Gap Between Online, Offline, Social & Mobile Marketing 
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twitteraddiction

 

OMG... 'Twas the night before Twitmas...

'Twas the night before Twitmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, 'cept the ol' wireless mouse;
The Tweetlings were twhirled by Twitterers with care,
In hopes that St. Twitter upon Tweetdeck would be there;

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While Twittervisions of twitter-posts danced in their heads;
And mamma in her 'kerchief, and I in my Twitter cap,
Had just checked our timeline before a long winter's nap,

When out in the Twitterverse there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to my computer window I flew like a flash,
Booted up my browser to see what tag had been hashed.

The glow on the screen of all the newly posted tweets
Brought a lustre of joy as I sat in my seat,
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature post from a well-known reindeer,

Retweeted in moments, so lively and quick,
By a jolly ol' fellow by the screen name, St_Twit.
More rapid than eagles his Tweets they came,
And he tweeted, and twerped, and posted their @ names;

"Now, Yammer! now, ReJaw! now, Jaiku and Friendfeed!
On, Pownce! on MashableIdenti.ca and Utterli!
To the top of TwitterGrader! and to Facebook's great wall!
Now tweet away! tweet away! tweet away all!"

One hundred and forty characters in earnest I typed,
Over and over again without hype,
And up on my friend list my followers they grew,
After reading Twittin' Secrets, yes all 100, mind you!

Whenst came a little twinkle, I heard on my iPhone
That Twitterrific twingle that shook like a cyclone.
As I drew in my hand, to flip my phone around,
Up on my touchscreen St. Twitter's Twitpic came with a bound.

He was dressed in faux fur, from his head to his feet,
Like the twitterer of all twitterers, and I was dying to retweet;
A bundle of twitter apps he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a jolly twitterer straight from TwitterPacks.

His eyes -- how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like rosy @ signs, his nose like a Twitterberry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow;

His stumpy little fingers looked tweet-worthy for sure,
Like a happy twitter addict not seeking a cure;
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
Perhaps the result of too much beer at some deli.

He was chubby and plump, atop Twitter wallpaper of elfs,
And I laughed when I saw this, in spite of myself;
In the wink of an eye, another flip of my iPhone,
As quick as it came, his tweet was now bygone.

He had twittered his tweet, then twittered back off to work,
I'm sure he's off twittering; to other kind tweoples and (a few) jerks,
And now my Twitter fingers are again twitchin' to tweet,
And I'm giving the nod, before I turn up the heat;

You should spring to your keyboard, and get ready to tweet,
Be it replies, direct messages, tweetlaters or retweets.
For the last thing St_Twit posted before he flashed out of sight,
was a message to Tweet: "Happy Twitmas to all, and to all a good-night!"

by Dan Hollings

Click here to post this to Twitter: 
http://budurl.com/Twitmas

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Filed under  //   christmas   poetry   santa claus   st twit   tweet   twitmas   Twitter   Twitter addiction   Twitter Humor   Twitter Jokes  

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PART 2: You know you're a Twitter addict when...


PART 2: You know you're a Twitter addict when...

  • Your favorite breakfast is Corned beef hashtags and eggs.
  • You've petitioned ICANN to create a Top Level Domain (TLD) consisting of ONE LETTER (.t) specifically for saving space on Twitter posts.
  • Even though your neighbors have complained, you insist your newly painted Turquoise house brings character to the neighborhood.
  • When really mad, you sometimes call people names like twitface, twithead, son of a twit or twailer park twash.
  • You're confident that Barack Obama will create a cabinet level position; Secretary of Twitter (and you're in the running).
  • You don't sleep anymore, instead you catch Twitter-naps of about 140 seconds so you don't miss any updates.
  • In an attempt to shrink your Twitter posts even smaller, you've asked your Pharmacist if they carry "Preparation T."
  • Your next home MUST HAVE a Tweetdeck overlooking a bird sanctuary.
  • Your next car must get 140 MPG.
  • In the tradition of AA you've started your community's first TT meeting (Twitterholics Twanonymous)
  • Once after a long Twitter maintenance outage, you contacted the hospital emergency room to see if they could give you your Twitter feed intravenously.
  • When your neighbor called you a bird brain, you actually thought it was a compliment.


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Filed under  //   Twitter addict   Twitter addiction   Twitter Humor  

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PART 1: You know you're a Twitter addict when...

PART 1: You know you're a Twitter addict when...
  • Twit Happens
  • You're constantly tying to improve your twex life.
  • Each morning, your Tweet before your first cup of coffee.
  • You vote hourly in the Twitter "Shorty Awards" (for yourself :-)
  • You're convinced that Samuel Clemens was addicted to Twitter and it influenced him changing his name to Mark Twain. 
  • When your cat had twelve kittens, you told everyone she had a "twitter."
  • You spend up to 140 minutes a day reading the dictionary... almost totally in the "tw" word area.
  • You've considered (more than once) naming your kids, Tweedledee and Tweedledum.
  • You're on the verge of publishing a new math book called, "Twime Numbers" where you prove that the numbers two, twelve and twenty can't be divided by 140 without causing twouble.
  • You're working on a looney undercover plot to save Tweety bird from  the clutches of Sylvester the cat.
  • You've socially bookmarked this page: 
    http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/tweet
    and go there often to click the audio pronunciation button.
  • Your idea of a fantastic evening is watching your Twitter timeline update in high definition while eating a frozen TweeVee diner.
  • You've studied The Twits by by Roald Dahl and found great Twitter insight.
  • Your idea of monetizing Twitter does not exclude blackmailing tactics

CONTINUE TO "TWITTER ADDICT" PART 2...

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Filed under  //   Twitter addict   Twitter addiction   Twitter Humor  

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PART 3: You know you're a Twitter addict when...

PART 3: You know you're a Twitter addict when...

  • You're lobbying "Funk and Wagnalls" to make the official definition of "twitter" less trivial.
    DEFINITION: Twitter
    http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/twitter
    1. to utter a succession of small, tremulous sounds, as a bird.
    2. to talk lightly and rapidly, esp. of trivial matters; chatter.
    3. to titter; giggle.

    4. to tremble with excitement or the like; be in a flutter.
  • You dream in short fragmented sentences that contain tiny URLs linking to other dreams.
  • Your entire resume is 140 characters long.
  • Your definition of "infinity" is a text box allowing an unlimited blog post.
  • You've asked your interior decorator if she has any Twitter blue wallpaper designs for your dinning room.
  • When recently asked if you follow Jesus, Mohammed, or Buddha, your response was, "hold while I check my Twitter friend list."
  • The bumper sticker on your car says, "Follow Me."
  • You think the perfect match at eHarmony would be a guy with a shout URL.
  • You think the perfect match at eHarmony would be a girl willing to show her twits on the first date.
  • You're hoping your state never passes a law that prevents Twittering while driving.
  • Your doctoral thesis was entitled, "The Glottochronology and Retrograde Evolution of Language from Archaic Hominids to Twitter-like Neanderthals in a Postmodern Techno-Society." Unfortunately, it took you so long to squeeze all that into 140 characters, you missed the submission deadline and have yet to graduate.

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Filed under  //   Twitter addict   Twitter addiction   Twitter Humor  

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